While preparing my chicken Parmesan, this reminder and reflection came to me: came to me.
Blended families are not for the faint of heart and it is tough to lose a long-standing identity and be the new-old girl. In the midst of a life that I feel I moved into, recognizing anything that is my own and many years familiar is a gift I seek regularly. I’m constantly looking for things that haven’t changed and craving a sense of “belonging”.
I’ve done this ever since my divorce.
Our children come over for presents the day after Christmas. His 3 and my 1.
When Lily is here, I feel that “thing” that moms feel at Christmas. There’s nothing quite like cooking and giving gifts to your children. It’s the most satisfying thing and justifies the 90 daily miles going to and from work. Lily could not come this year due to her work schedule.
Even though she was not here, I had determined not to be sad and to give the party my best; as I would if she were here.
I felt a Gentle belonging.
Maybe you’ll understand this one.
It happened in my kitchen. There is never a time in my whole life where I have not belonged in the kitchen. My Mama gave me that gift by encouraging me to cook.
And this particular chicken Parmesan is the first recipe I remember creating on my own. Served it for Christmas 25 plus years, and is the recipe I am most proud of. I would serve it to the Lord Jesus Himself and I think He’d like it! 😂
It was a passing moment but certainly helped me to find Christmas..as I made my favorite recipe, I felt His delight and warm smile come over me, and that was all the belonging that I needed. God with us, in the kitchen, as I make chicken Parmesan. His creation making her creation, that He created. I smiled at the familiarity of His presence and joy filled my heart. I forgot and then was reminded that he’s been familiar with me for over 30 years.. The belonging does not leave. I just needed that reminder.
We look for God in these big overly spiritual ways and moments. While leading worship, while praying out-loud with a friend. All the while, He sits in the kitchen waiting. He knows our recipes better than we do. And He longs to reveal His delight in us so that our IDENTITY in Him is solid no matter who or who doesn’t attend the dinner.
It was a gold nugget. An anchor that has held me in place since I was a 19 year old girl trying to make something delicious for my friends. A gift that I was not expecting. I found Christmas this year, not in a present, a song, a prayer, or a candle. I found Christmas in my kitchen, in His presence…where I have always belonged.
